


many tricks and tools and joy

by empire_eels



Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Fantasy AU, Gen, Heist, I basically introduce a bunch of characters then end the story that’s it, Magic, Shapeshifter Wilbur, Sleepy Bois Inc as Family, Slime Hybrid Charlie Dalgleish, Some powers taken from Origins Smp, Techno and Wilbur are twins :), The author steals from grishaverse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 19:28:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29954778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/empire_eels/pseuds/empire_eels
Summary: A thief, a bard, an explorer, and two great warriors plan a heist in a tavern.
Relationships: ALL PLATONIC, Charlie Dalgleish & Wilbur Soot, Technoblade & TommyInnit, Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson
Comments: 2
Kudos: 40





	many tricks and tools and joy

**Author's Note:**

> Hi this is just.. I had a bunch of ideas for characters in a dream smp/slimecicle cinematic universe au so this is just me introducing them all. Title is from Pools by Glass Animals because we need to reclaim Glass Animals from the dnfers. Very inspired by Six of Crows. Wilbur specifically is a combo of Wylan and Kaz. One day I’ll actually make a grishaverse au lol. I may continue this au as a series because I have many thoughts

A thief, a bard, an explorer, and two great warriors walk into a bar. 

“Ouch” 

Okay, that’s not exactly how it went it was more like...

It was a night of bitter wind and biting snow. A broad figure in an embroidered cloak with a furred collar and black hood, accompanied by a gangly blond youth, stood apprehensively outside the Molympus Tavern. 

Although the figure was shorter, they were much bulkier. Their entire head was obscured by a ornamental pig mask, with vicious curved tusks, bulging eyes and a long satin tongue. They were arguing animatedly with the youth, who was wearing a red and white quartered surcoat over steel and chainmail armour, which glistened a slight purple - a sure sign of enchantments. He had a green bandana, and his steel helmet seemed to be fashioned after a turtle - with a scaled pattern, stylised eyes and hooked beak. Both had their hands on the hilt of their swords as they glanced slightly from side to side. 

“Are you sure this is right place Big T? I’m sure Wil would never play in a seedy place like this,” the youth asked petulantly, eyeing the tavern sign as it swung, its chains clamouring in protest.

“I double and triple checked, Tommy. Just go inside.”

The pair stepped inside, Tommy checking behind them one last time before the doors swung shut.

In the soft, yellowed light of the tavern lanterns, opposite the bar, sat a young bard with an unruly mop of brown curls and pointed ears playing the guitar idly to his audience of the mostly empty tavern. He seemed non threatening enough, in a soft woollen tunic with large puffed sleeves and tall leather boots that were unscuffed and unsullied - as though they had never seen a day of work. This didn’t stop the barkeeper from glancing at him with suspicion.

The man perked up once seeing the pair enter. He whisked a brown cloak with black leather accents from his chair onto his shoulders, and began packing his guitar into a matching black leather case as the two approached. 

“Techno! Tommy! I’m glad you two could make it, what with the weather. Come upstairs, that way you can breathe freely.” The latter part he addressed to Techno with a wink.

The trio began climbing the stairs to the upper areas of the tavern, Techno and Tommy shedding half melted snow as they went.

They arrived at the mezzanine, which overlooked some of the downstairs. It mostly consisted of more seating areas and a passageway that lead to the rooms the tavern had to let. They all sat down at a secluded table in the corner of the room, lit by a flickering candle.

“Well boys, here we are. My associate will be here shortly. Make yourself at home Techno,” said the bard, kicking his feet up on the table.

“Thanks Wilbur,” the masked man replied absently as he began unbuttoning his cloak to reveal a full set of netherite armour. 

Before he could finish, a creature of unpleasant viscosity slithered down from the ceiling rafters. The trio peered at the curious heap of... something on the floor, which wobbled and straightened up into a man in a green cowl and green-tinted spectacles. He was dressed in typical thief’s garb, dark material with many straps and pockets for squirrelling away what isn’t yours. He also boasted a green sash with three red heart motifs, and a patch on the right shoulder of his cowl that was embroidered with two dot eyes and a wide mouth.

He turned to Wilbur in surprise after scrutinising the now unmasked Techno. 

“Are you sure he’s your twin?”

It wasn’t an unfounded question. Strangely, Techno appeared to be a wild boar standing on its hind legs, albeit as tall as man. After a closer look, you might notice that his posture was much more humanlike than piglike, and that his hands had five fingers, but on a surface level Wilbur and Techno were as different as well, a pig and human.

The trio looked at each other quickly before they began their explanation.

“I was... cursed.” Techno began before being interrupted by Tommy. 

“Big man here beat a lesser god of combat in battle! It was awesome! Well - until the god got mad. That wasn’t awesome.”

Wilbur placed a hand on Tommy’s shoulders warningly, as he was getting loud. “He was cursed to spend the rest of his life as a giant wild boar roaming the forest slaughtering all he encountered and terrorising villages,” he elaborated. “This form was the best Phil could do. Sorry Charlie, I probably should have explained things beforehand.”

Techno eyes the man - Charlie - suspiciously “Now that we’ve given some explanations, how about you return the favour. How did you that, when you revealed your presence?” 

“Oh this?” Charlie melted back down into a green goop and oozed up the wall onto the ceiling. He solidified back into human form hanging upside down from the rafters. “I’m kind of an icky, yucky boy. A bit of a goopy gross little man. Just a-“

“He’s a Slimeling. That’s why I brought him onto the project. Because of his abilities.” Wilbur cut in.

“Yup! Vents, sewers, cupboards - I can go anywhere,” Charlie said, waggling his fingers at the group. “I’m the vent goblin!”

“Right.” Techno seemed unimpressed. He began munching on a cooked potato he extracted from his satchel.

“Wiiiiil, when’s Phil getting here?”

“Dunno Tommy. He was adventuring very far away last time I checked in with him. You know how he is. We might as well get started on the plan.”

Wilbur looked to the others before confirmation before launching into his plan in a low voice.

“We’ve gone over this separately, so now is the time to iron everything out. Charlie is friends with the tavern owner and barkeep, plus we’re less noticeable back here, so we should be safe to talk freely here. However we should never mention any details of the plan outside of this tavern, got it? What we’re doing could get us thrown in the Pandora.” The others nodded.

“First of all, our roles. Let’s start with Charlie and I. We’ll be on the inside, doing the deed. Charlie will sneak in via the chimney and begin disabling the alarms in the basement and unlocking the doors we need. I’ll sneak into the back kitchen and take the appearance of one of the staff members, preferably someone higher up the chain. We know Sir Schlatt has a penchant for alcohol, so I’ll use the excuse of fetching him whiskey to make my way into the basement to meet with Charlie. Once there we’ll head to the vault and I’ll set up the demolitions. That’s where you come in Tommy.”

Tommy seemed to have zoned out a little, but he perked up at the mention of his name.

“You’ll be arriving at Manburg Court as the new tutor for Schlatt’s son Tubbo. You’ll mostly be teaching him swordsmanship, so hopefully Phil’s training should help you pass scrutiny. They shouldn’t expect you to teach anything too strenuous on the first day, which is good because your job is to snoop around and hopefully steal any correspondence between Schlatt and ‘Dream’. Schlatt is incredibly secretive about Tubbo, so we don’t know anything about him, not even his age. This means we can’t gauge whether he’ll obstruct our plans or not, so try not to let him catch on. Once you have the letters, find some excuse to leave the grounds, then signal us by breaking this once you’ve left.”

Wilbur hands Tommy a small red crystal, which he tucks into a pocket on his breeches.

“Once we’ve been signalled, I’ll set off the bombs to break the safe, then secure the weapon. We’ll break into the abandoned stronghold tunnels where Techno will be stationed. No one in the house knows about them, and they’ve been abandoned for centuries, so we don’t know what dangers lie beyond the entrance. This is where Techno’s combat skill will help us. Once we reach the portal room, we all escape into the End, where Phil will take us to the Overworld portal. He’s the only one who can navigate the End in our group, so no mucking up if we reach this stage,” Wilbur took a deep breath. “Got it?”

The group looked at each other and nodded. “Yep.”

They did not get it.

“Wilbur your talent is wasted as a bard. You should join me, Condi and Bizly sometime. Raise the stakes a little.”

“Thanks Charlie but this is a one off. My days doing demo for the likes of your group are long past.”

Presently the doors to the Molympus Tavern swung open revealing a blonde man in a wide green hat designed to keep the rain off. His iridescent dark purple cloak, cut to look like a pair of insect-like wings, was covered in snow and his green robes were slightly torn.

The barkeep looked up from his monotonous cleaning of a mug. He took in the strange appearance of the man.

“They’re upstairs.”

The newcomer nodded and began heading up to the group.

“Phiiil! You came!” Tommy rushed the newcomer as soon as he made it up the stairs.

“Hello Phil.” Techno greeted.

“Techno mate, it’s good to see you! And Tommy - I thought I trained a knight but I’m seeing a great warrior in front of me instead.”

“Yea that’s right you bastards! I’m a great warrior!” Tommy’s voice was muffled as he was hugging Phil.

“Phil, we’ve just gone over the plan, but I trust you’ve already memorised it knowing you. I’m sure you’re tired from your travels so I won’t delay you from collapsing into bed. We’ll go over inventory tomorrow.”

“Thanks Wil, but I’m not tired. What at am I, an old man? Don’t answer that,” Phil sat down at the table next to Wilbur ignoring Tommy’s faint snicker. “Besides we have plenty of catching up to do.” He extracted a well worn notebook from his cloak and began showing the contents to Wilbur. 

“Heh, speak for yourself Phil but I’m gonna turn in.” yawned Techno. “I’m taking residence with a friend next street over.” He left the group. 

Charlie removed himself from the rafters with a squelch, startling Phil a little. “Well hello fellow Wanderer.” He pointed to a red and black heart motif on one of Phil’s cuffs. 

“Wanderer?” Wilbur asked, tearing himself away from Phil’s notebook.

“Yep. Honourable thieves, rogues, travellers and runaways who follow the Wanderer’s code look out for each other. Keeps us safe against the powers that be.”

“I see.”

“Well I’m about perished, so I’m gonna bother Condi for free food. Want anything?”

“Oh! I’ll come with. I could go for a meal.” Tommy jumped up and they both made their way downstairs to the bar.

“So what’s the deal with you guys and Phil? Wilbur didn’t really ‘phil’ me in haha. The walls have ears and all that.” 

“Oh well. He’s our dad. He taught us everything you know. Me and Techno, he trained us to be awesome knights! And I guess he taught Wilbur nerd shit like alchemy and chemistry. That’s how he could do demo, he learnt how to use the stuff Phil taught him when me and Wil got separated from him during the Flooding. He sang for taverns and blew up shit for weird guys so we could get money to go home.”

“Cool, cool. I knew a bit about the blowing up stuff, that’s how we met. You probably don’t remember me though.”

“Nah, I would have been too young.”

They had reached the bar by this time. The barkeep looked less bored once he noticed Charlie.

“What’s up brother, done with your scheming?” He gave both of them a sharp look. “No freebies.”

“Aww Condi,” Charlie pouted. “Not even for the greatest thief of all time?”

“Maybe pull off this latest caper I keep hearing about and maybe you can call yourself that. Fine, fine you can both have some cold rabbit stew I guess.”

“Thanks,” said Tommy gratefully. All this scheming made a man hungry.

“So you’re leaving tomorrow?” asked Condi.

“Hopefully, if we get everything we need. Try not to miss me too much on my greatest adventure yet!”

“Of course.”


End file.
